Quote:
Originally Posted by toomanycats
I have two types of experiences I'm wondering if anyone here relates to -- I'm not sure if they are part of my DID (yes, diagnosed) or not.
Experience Type 1:
This one is one I'm pretty sure is part of the DID. What happens is, it's like "I" am shoved to the back of my consciousness. I don't black out, but I have no conscious awareness of what is about to come out of "my" mouth -- I hear it, but I am not in control of it or aware of what "I am about to say" if that makes sense. The other thing is -- my body expresses sometimes intense emotions, but I won't actually feel them. (E.g., My body starts sobbing gut-wrenching sobs, but I am stuck in the background and cannot feel any emotional pain or even any of the physical sensations that come with emotional pain.)
Experience Type 2:
This is the one I'm really not sure of -- I will feel intense emotions, but I have no idea what they are about or where they are coming from. They are not at all what I am feeling. (E.g., I suddenly feel about to cry...and overwhelmingly sad...I feel the emotions and all the physical sensations that come with the emotions, but I cannot identify why or even any thoughts associated with it. I was expressing a different emotion -- or was not expressing an emotion -- when this one came out of nowhere.)
Does anyone relate to this?
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yes to both. in me I discovered both can be quite normal, I thought they went with my DID but after integration it continued.
I found out that the brain does this thing where it takes in all kinds of information from our senses. and sometimes we may not notice things.
example last summer I went camping and suddenly I noticed I was feeling irritable, physically stiff. my first thought was oh crap dont tell me theres another alter somewhere. my wife asked me what was wrong I told her I was having feelings that I cant match to anything. its like an overwhelming sense of dread and my neck is painfully stiff.
my wife looked at me and said...the children I dont hear them, be right back.
when she said that I realized my emotion and physical sensations was not a dissociative thing in me at that moment. it was a parental thing. I didnt notice that my children were out of ear shot. but my body and mind took in the missing sounds and alerted me with feeling overwhelmed and stiffening of my body. just like normal people who suddenly feel something is wrong.
also in my job, and home life sometimes things come out of my mouth that I dont realize is happening. my doctors told me everyone does this. its called unconsciously blurting out something. the brain takes in all this information and the human body reacts and sometimes its a verbal blurt while feeling far away from the situation.
my suggestion is contact your treatment providers, they will be able to help you figure out what the second one in you is and how to control both. my treatment providers are a great help with this for me.