I feel my resolve slipping and it is weird, too, because ... well..
ok so yeah i had the whole blood services thing today. then i come home and mom wants me to look up something for her because she got this letter saying an old company has over $250 for her - right, but to get it she has to pay $25. So i'm thinking it's a hoax. but i am supposed to look up (aka research) this for her and find her money for her because a. i'm the only one with internet access, b. she can't do S*** for her self, c. my time is worth crap, d. we're like beyond totally broke and may lose our house (like 250 is gonna solve this when she won't even look for work).... and i got totally bawled out for not wanting to do this for her when we "need the money so badly". Forget that i'm in school, forget that i am looking for work, forget that i have a life or may want to be in PC to check in (because, you know, that's not important or anything). I'm just kind of steamed about it. she said to me "I don't understand why, when ever i ask you to do anything for me, yo act like it's such a big problem and you shouldn't have to do it."
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
YES it iS a big problem because her projects are NEVER small and i always get told "oh it will only take a second, i don't see why you can't possibly just take one little second to do this for me, it's not like the end of the world" so i go do it and it takes a long time. Typically she'll aske me to type up resumes or cover letters for her when i am in the middle of finals or writing a paper. I also get told to do them - not asked. told. and if i say no or i don't have time, it becomes a major fight. WHy do i not like doing things for her? because it would be less pain and trouble to to... gah.... to cut up my arm for instance.
I know - i'm blowing this out of porportion.... but i totally feel like i am a bad person, because i don't want to help my mother. forget that she has her own computer yet i have to now come up with a flyer for her to post around so she can get work as a "care taker" - of which she has no experience or training (other than raising me... or rather, my raising her). She's even advertizing that she'll take people to their medical appointments - sure, as long as it's not dark (it gets dark here at 4 in winter), there's no traffice, and it is within her 6 mile radius that she'll drive.
OMG i am venting up a storm. sorry.
Long story short (too late, eh?) it made me feel like a bad person, so i want to SI or binge or... just dissapear off the planet someplace. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
kiya