And yes, true, I should seek a therapist. But after reading here the past few years it seem very few therapist understand these deeply rooted transference issues. I've called around a bit and most therapists I contacted just instantly said they could not help me when I mentioned attachment issues and transference. I live in a smaller country so it is not that easy finding therapists with a lot of experience in this.

I would indeed prefer a female therapist. I should say though, I've seen a male psychiatrist years ago (while I was dealing with the relationship with my professor), and I experienced no transference with him at all. Since he was kind and understanding, and I just don't experience transference with persons that are kind and understanding to me. I really need a dominant male with a bit of narcissistic tendencies to experience such transference. As mentioned, I think it is because I'm trying to set right past situations of emotional abuse, by trying to make an emotionally abusive older male to love me. I can't say that awkward tendency has brought me a lot of success thus far:-(.