A few months ago, I lost everything. I lost my apartment, my dog, and my relationship with the person I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life with. We were together for 3 years. I lived with him and another couple, and their constant partying and socializing was sometimes overwhelming for me, so they all agreed that I was a snooze, and no longer had a place there. They didn't want to stay friends and were very difficult about me getting my things back. I honestly did nothing to deserve this. Yes I was quiet but I wasn't a complete pariah. I was still very clean, contributed furniture and took care of the dog every single day, and fell in love with him in the process. Now when I pass them on the street, they're not even able to make eye contact with me, including my ex, and even the dog won't look my way. This was a very heartbreaking experience.

Being out in the world after that made me realize that I actually am a snooze. I get decent grades in school, my job working with autistic kids is kind of crappy, my body is average, and I don't have any particular talent. I have been trying to find love. Unfortunately though, it seems that I'm undesirable. I go on dates with guys, and I get ghosted. I feel like the Amityville Horror house, just ghost after ghost after ghost after ghost...

These experiences reinforce the idea that I did deserve that treatment, and don't deserve to have a happy relationship. On one hand, I feel like a relationship would help me be happier and more confident, and on the other, I feel like I need to be happy and confident to get one. Does anyone know what I should do to proceed before I throw myself off a bridge?