Thank you, MissCharlotte.
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MissCharlotte said:
stand by that and don't be afraid to voice it. So what if someone doesn't like it?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I can't. It's unsafe for me. I'm scared of him. I don't know how to stand up to him. He has pushed me down for 20 years. I can't unlearn my appeasing behavior toward him overnight. (And I don't want to, I just want to be rid of him.) It sounds so simple when you say it, "so what if someone doesn't like it?" but that is a big problem in our marriage, I just get cowed by him when he gets angry and will do anything to avoid displeasing him. Yes, I know that is dysfunctional, but it is almost physically impossible for me to go against him. By your statement, I can see that you are so very brave.

When I was in T's waiting room last session, I read a part of a poem in a book that reminded me so much of how I feel:

The Eastern Wind, strengthless,
Tries to make a ripple, and gives up

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OMG role playing as your husband? Wow, that could be fun.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> That made me smile, thanks.

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Maybe you need to let him lead on this one and see where it goes.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">When I see him next week, I am going to tell him how totally bewildered I am and see if he can explain better how I am supposed to be. Saying "no, no, no" to me tells me how not to be but not how to be.

My truth is that I want to be out of this marriage. It is hard to think of anything beyond that.