Depression when I was 12 or 13. I was in a stupor. Couldn’t move, couldn’t climb a flight I’d stairs without stopping to lie down and rest in the landing. No interest in eating. I would lie and stare at the wall for hours. My mom would take me on errands with her to get me out of the house but I would not leave the car. My mom brought me to every possible type of doctor except a psychiatrist. None of them found anything wrong with me, of course. Eventually my mom decided there was really nothing wrong with me and forced me back to school. It felt impossible but I did it. Eventually it lifted and I felt normal again. I don’t remember ever feeling sad. Just exhausted, indifferent and like my limbs were made of lead. First manic around 16. For me that meant lots of sex with a boy I would never have been interested in if I had been in a normal state. Normally low key socially and would never have gone after a. Boy aggressively like that much less taken him to bed.