I've flunked an exam that I was supposed to pass 2 years ago. It's frustrating that the marks I score are kind of in a pattern like 25, 27, 35, 37 and so on for the other exams I've written and failed. My mom is furious with me and whatever I try to say to make her understand, she says is an excuse.

She said angrily, "live off your father till he dies and then let's see what to do from there". And I hate my dad enough to desperately do anything to avoid his assistance, which he keeps pushing on me even if I can do it myself. I have no confidence and hope whatsoever. But I fail Everytime. I was mad enough at him to try to kill myself three times out of many more in 4 years ago.But I've failed Everytime. Therapy? Nope. They don't believe in that kinda stuff. And we don't really have that kinda money either. And my mom believes that all this is tied to my weight.

I know that my family could get hurt by this, but it's like ripping off a band-aid. It'll be really painful at first, but then you realize the importance and relief of the band-aid being gone.

So, after they sleep tonight, I will try to no longer depend on anyone; Because I will try to no longer exist. I hope I have the courage to do it all the way this time.