Even (especially?) after seeing my current therapist for 2 and a half years, it's still hard for me to believe how great he is--that he's not just competent but actually highly skilled, that he's knowledgeable about the issues that are important to me, that he knows how to respect boundaries without letting it impede growth, isn't homophobic (and is extremely aware of how LGBTQ experiences impact therapy), pays precise attention to what I say and do, owns up to it and apologizes when he makes a mistake, draws attention to the ways our relationship reflects my experiences outside of therapy but without using that transference as a way to pathologize or minimize my reactions.

I had so many terrible or useless experiences with therapy over the past decade that I had basically given up on further therapy ever going beyond mediocre at best. Abusive at worst. Let alone being as helpful as I really wanted and needed it to be. And now I'm marveling at what a bizarrely helpful and healing experience my current therapy is. It has been extremely difficult at times, and progress often feels slow--it has been excruciating sometimes. But my therapist recognizes and respects how painful and hard it can be, and works hard to do his part and help when and how he can. It's challenging but necessary work, and it feels possible at a different depth than it ever has before. I've had realizations and made connections I never anticipated, and started dealing with wounds I thought could never heal.

Part of me still hates that I had to wade through so much incompetence, shallowness, and bias from all but one of my past therapists. I hate how hard it is to find and access someone really good. But I'm so glad I tried again and found this therapist and have been able to really dive in with this therapy, and today I felt like sharing that experience--that good therapy really can be life-changing in a really amazing and vital way.