Rachelle,

It does sound like a difficult situation. I can relate to having attachment issues with people who are not good for me.

Your doctor trains others in his methods and expertise, you say. So there *are* other doctors out there familiar with his modalities and able to treat you, right?
I can understand these other doctors may not be easy to see, but they are there, somewhere.

So would it be correct to say the main reason you don’t want to find a different doctor is your attachment/transference issues with him?

You say he gives you a bit of happiness but he also keeps you in a loop of abandonment/acceptance. A person who genuinely cared about you would *not* be treating you this way. He does not really love you- or even care for you- in my opinion. He may be trying to keep you just happy enough so you don’t report him. Meanwhile, he’s building a case trying to prove your instability. You want him to help heal your disease but this emotional quandary keeps you in a near-constant state of anxiety. Even now, you fear he may terminate you over the intimacies that occurred the last time or two you saw him?

I’m not sure I would let any health professional absolutely determine how my life turns out this way. You are feeling out of control. Perhaps you need to take back the control and terminate him?

I would be interested to learn if his medical license has been sanctioned for misconduct with any other patient. Usually, when doctors exploit patients in the ways you are being exploited, they have more than one victim.. There are probably other victims. Some may not have come forward yet.

In my case, I was the second of seven women to come forward. None of us realized the others existed until one of the seven found the courage to report him.