My problem has been going on for years. My parents have a very low view of me as a person. I’m supposedly not compared to othersin my family but I hear why do you act like so and so. That’s what (insert name) would do. Why can’t you be like ——; they do ———. I could do that at your age why can’t you? It’s slowly eating at me and probably always will.
My favorites are when my parents give me what they say as a Statement but if I say it I’m to hard on myself or wrong. My favorite one was when I was a teen and my Dad told me I wouldn’t marry until after all my cousins. Thanks dad I’ll take that as a never on my part seeing as I am 27 and my youngest cousin is a few months old.
I tried talking to them about it however even when I state Im not mad or upset just hurt they are the victims. My family even backs them up. It’s always you know they love you. You were so much wanted you were adopted. I want to scream anymore at that saying. I’m adopted sure, however out of all three kids why was I the one forgotten at a park when I was eight? Why did I have to borrow another adults cell phone to remind them I was there? Why am I the child with the most broken promises? Why was I ashamed of my gender? My weight? My looks? My mind? My wants?

Why is it that even if I don’t want to I’ll give anybody anything they ask if they are willing to put up with me? Food, clothes, money, rides and other things people seem to want? Why is it that I am just now finding my two feet at 27 and not caring that I don’t have any friends?
The more I grow the more roots I seem to be missing. Apparently I hate myself and just want away from myself. That I’m a ugly human being I’m told. If that’s true why do I just find myself not caring anymore? Friends abandon me. ok. Family thinks I’m a no good? Ok. My parents think I hate myself and that I lie to them? Fine. I almost just hate talking to people anymore. Relationships suck, people are not worth it and I’m just tired of listening.

Is it so wrong I want to change my name, my phone number and move the heck away? I’m not even sure I want a human companion anymore. Animals listen and never judge.