Which is better …

to be completely numb but totally calm and relaxed …

or to be filled with life but nervous and scared of everything …

this is the knife edge I have decided to live on …
I am just so tired of living in a fog …

the feeling of having a life is slowly coming back … slowly …

as I ease up on the drugs (meds) , the old anxiety and fears are coming back … so I am trying to keep a careful balance …

I just hope it is possible to keep such a balance , I truly fear a trigger and going over the edge …
and more importantly I fear the beast (depression) coming back …

it just feels I would rather be (gone) than keep living in this walking dream state ...

my life now is so empty I just have to try something different … I just want to feel something again …

Tigger ….