It is a horrible state to be in. I have a balance similar but that is with the PTSD more often than BP. IS your numbness med related? Is there anything personal you need to work through that might be making you withdraw into numbness? My answer to your question would be in the short term do whatever keeps you safe but plan for stability and ability to feel normal emotions in the future. I am so sorry you are going through this. It must be awful. There has to be an answer. Hang in there.