Quote:
Originally Posted by Medusax
The man is beset by health problems, mental and physical. Years ago he helped us tremendously. I don't forget a kindness of that magnitude. MOST of the time he is caring and kind. I think he is upset over the situation at his business. And to be fair, there are other things going on in my life that add to the stress of my reaction as well. Our AC upstairs is out and I have been once again relegated to the downstairs couch in order to get any sleep at all. We have to wait for a part. Those high tech wall units are
garbage. The husband is in a nice, cool hotel room with maid service. So HIS life hasn't changed.
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I like your post Medusax! That's gut feeling, not intellectual. For me, if someone goes out of their way to help me when needed I would return that to them. I agree that this guy sounds upset rather than totally abusive, but with dementia the line between upset and abusive can get too thin for comfort.
One thing that stands out for me, perhaps it's a reflection on myself, is that you are furious about feeling that your husband behaves entitled rather than appreciative of all the things that you contribute to daily life. When I'm furious often some other person's fury pushes my buttons more than I would want them too. It's clear that you are dealing with a huge ongoing issue between you and h on a daily basis.
You talk about this guy helping both you and h years ago, and it sounds like you and h were working together at that time?
This is just me, but when an external situation seems overwhelming I ask myself what I can learn from it - it's my way of shifting my focus back to my own needs. Since this guy has been helpful and witness to your marriage in the past is there any small way that he can help you to figure out how miserable your situation has become in the present? Even if he is no longer able to actively engage in being helpful, just him having participated in that time might help you to find a clue for yourself.
Probably that sounds demented! I feel for your situation. I've been through times of exhaustion while working to hold financial things together and everything outside and inside me seemed hopeless. We are stronger and wiser than we think we are, but sometimes it's like that guy pushing his rock uphill and it just falls down again. I feel for you, no idea why but your situation resonates for me.
Saidso