For me, too, the messages weren't the spoken ones but what was in my feelings, how I responded, before those feelings got shut down, numbed out, or cut off. Rejection, disrespect -- those behaviors from parents or significant others resulted in me feeling things about myself that I still have trouble putting into words.

I understand about not asking for help, too. I didn't know, haven't known, exactly what to ask for help with, either, although I did go to therapy for "help" for years. That information was stuck in the shut off feelings, along with anger and sadness and etc.