While I cannot answer for @SilverTrees, I can provide an answer for myself ...

Self-Preservation!

Many of us here have tried to offer advice that we've found helpful in our own recovery processes, yet you continue to push it away again and again and often in an angry, challenging and hostile manner.

Many of us have also been exactly where you are right now.

It's okay to find ourselves in that place as we wrestle with how to overcome and/or simply accept so many unfair life events (including cruelty, brutality and abuse) in order to maintain some kind of functionality in life so we can take care of our basic necessities such as food, clothing, shelter, etc.

IT IS NOT OKAY to allow ourselves to STAY STUCK there though because when we do that then everything else in our life falls apart along with it ... We basically become useless to ourselves and others, and that's never a good place to find oneself!

It's kind of like being on a sinking ship and trying to convince the last hold out to put on their @#$%! life preserver!

We can either keep trying to talk them into saving themselves and end up drowning with them, or we can leave them where they're at and save ourselves!

THAT is SELF-PRESERVATION!

We really do want to be helpful, but you refuse that help, so in order to not get drug down into and by your issues, we're leaving it with you.

Knowing when to let go is also an important part of the healing process.

That's why so many of us are letting go of this thread.

I truly do hope you find a way to start healing, but you've got to really want it to get it; and, until such time, ain't too much nobody else can do to help you.

Sincerely,
Pfrog!