I think this is important insight BloodyQueen. If you cut off your family entirely, you don't actually have anyone to replace them with. Your family may indeed love you but have no idea how to show that in healthy and supportive ways because they were not raised by healthy and supportive parents. I don't think this is a black-and-white/all-or-nothing situation.

I think it could take time and therapy for you to arrive at a decision which feels tolerable and safe for you. Are you open to talking with a therapist who specializes in family dysfunction? Anyone could tell you to just leave and end all contact but you would be the one to live with the outcomes of that decision...be they acceptable outcomes for you or not.

Your instinct (which I recommend you trust) seems to be telling you two truths:
- you need some space from your family with clear boundaries
- total estrangement feels too drastic for you right now

If I misunderstood, please feel free to correct me. I have done a lot of reading on this topic because I also have an unhealthy family. Have you looked at the psych research? Maybe that's another place for you to start?

As I said, I wouldn't tell you 'you should do this or that' because I don't live in your shoes and deal with your life. I support you regardless of what choice you make. I think the key is to truly get in touch with what you want and that may also change over time....and sometimes we need help from a therapist to figure that out. These family problems are complex and tend to run very deep. They are confusing and painful in a way that can be hard to convey. You are understandably feeling quite ambivalent. At least that's how it comes across to me.

Peace to you