I was afraid of emotions--afraid of being emotional, afraid of the emotions themselves, afraid of others seeing me with emotions, afraid of what do I do if something happens or what if--will something more happen and how much more. Afraid of how will I react, in what ways. I saw him again last night a couple hours before the site even opened at the local grocery store in the parking lot. I got more emotional than I did the night before. I eventually left a voice mail for my "T" but told him he didn't have to call back because once I did go in the site, my phone wouldn't work there--no cell signal. I am going to see him today anyway. I've had some harder times lately with everything. I thought it would be good to update him since its been so long besides. Good timing for an appointment, I guess. I left my dear T a voice mail earlier in the week that I probably actually needed meds (I'm not on any psych meds) more than I needed an appointment with him. I don't want them, but I do know that it would have been of benefit lately if I did take them. Sooner or later, I hate to say it. I have no insurance right now, so I can't really afford much.