Oh Gosh! i just wasted 2 hours to get paperwork ready for next appt for individual tax return. i hate paperwork, forms and all sorts of those things with my whole heart. it got me so irritated and nasty that i couldnt help but being *****y with mom and dad who were trying to help (dad reprimanding me though for not knowing 90% of what i should have known). im so thankful it has ended for now but until im done with that appt. i wont be happy or relaxed (june 5th).

the rest of the day went quite well. i could sleep quite well but not for too long, lunch with family went ok even though everybody seem to be a bit nervous and tense and grumpy for these family events! lunch was nice but not what i would have wanted…

the best part is that we didnt have to go look for the ceiling fan for my flat because my bro said he has one he isnt using and he can give it to me (we spared time and money!!!). it remains to see when he'll be able to come and fix it for me because nobody else can, unless i pay someone, but id try to avoid that. and i hope this will be able to be done BEFORE hot summer kicks in.

i watched just a couple of tv series, didnt get to spend time with cats and had to take a shower and go get meds. and after that all the paperwork stuff started and i got SO FU*ING irritated.

im glad i still got time to come here and write and watch a last tv serie before going to relax a bit with mom bit. i really wouldnt want to start my week tomorrow. im scared more than anything else. its like i feel it will take more energies than i have so i'll be forced to go back to pills and alcohol.

THANK YOU Mickey and Mopey for your concern and words, they mean a lot to me and THANK YOU Poiuytl for chiming in and giving me your support and thought. i appreciated that. i know playing with alcohol and meds isnt healthy but i dont feel i have a choice.

i cant wait to see what will happen with my new neighbors and for this week to be over. and the next one too. i already hate them and i truly wish i could die rather than having to face them.. im so tired and so tired of being alive and face day after day.