****. We should probably talk about this. But it's mortifying. We've barely ever talked about sex and never in any detail, and to go from that to this...
I really hope you know background about this stuff so I don't have to explain the basic concepts
surely you must, right?

I have no idea whether you'll see this as healthy or unhealthy for me to be using as a coping mechanism. I don't even know my own opinion. But I just finished the visit with my father and I feel okay and I don't want to hurt myself, so it helped...