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May 26, 2019, 07:56 PM
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Member Since: May 2019
Location: Among the Mosquitoes...
Posts: 2
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Hello,
As the title says, I have accepted (mostly) that nothing will improve for me. The challenge I feel is how to live with it.
I am not the person I want to be and I am not happy with the life I live -- and this will not change.
Possible trigger:
Everyday I wake up and I work 14-16 hours a day at a job I absolutely hate and that stresses me out so much I have seriously contemplated killing myself at work. In some way or another the job I have will kill me: either I will kill myself, I will die in an accident like what almost happened before, or it will destroy my health and I'll die from heart disease or some other condition.
*Que in all the job-search suggestions*
Thank you, I appreciate your suggestions, however for the last 4-5 years I have done it all and more.
Apply to jobs? I've never stopped doing that.
Move? I've done that several times.
Network? I've never stopped doing that.
Professional Career Coach? Done that. Worst use of $300/hour in my whole life.
Unpaid Internship/Volunteer? I did an unpaid internship at one of the largest corporations in the country. Too bad that they had no positions available for me and had a strict no reference policy!
College? Aha, now this is where it gets interesting. The exact job I have now I did before college. Eventually this kind of work became too much for me (a near-death experience was part of that), and so I thought, "Maybe I should finish my degree?" which I did. Now I have to work to payback those huge student loans I have for a degree that is ultimately worthless. The difference between pre- and post-college was this: I was choosing to do this job before college, now I am forcedto do it out of financial necessity. I'd love to do a different job, but, alas, I have not had much success in obtaining a different kind of job for the last 4-5 years. Worst of all, in the country I live in, I am only eligible for student loans ONCE, meaning any future education of mine will have to be paid in cash.
Nothing more can be done for me. Job searching doesn't help, networking doesn't help, career coaches don't help, moving doesn't help, working hard doesn't help, working for free (internships) doesn't help, and college certainly didn't help.
Outside of work is not much better. IF - and that's a big IF - I have time away from work, I have no money left after paying debt and the basic necessities to afford to do anything else. I'll never own my own home, I'll never afford to travel around the world, I'll never have a career that I enjoy, in short, I'll never achieve any of my dreams or be the person I want to be.
Why exist if to exist is to work all day, everyday, at a job I hate for no other reason than to prolong my existence?
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