i guess this is just part of the "bipolar"... to fall into suicidal depression after a severe manic or whatever the hell that episode was.
just waiting for this to pass.
it is hell.
i wish i had a rescue med for this.
i had the phone in my hand last night.... almost called 911.
i will call it if i have to.
just dont want to have to.
but this is all so horribly hard. and it boggles my mind cuz it is just a feeling. there is no logic to this.
everyone at work today can tell im depressed.
they said they feel bad that im roughing it.
im sorry i effect so many people this way... i just dont want to suffer anymore, cuz i am running out of energy and motivation to endure this any longer.
i know that last night i was almost done with all of this.
it seemed like the only way.
i just try to remind myself that there are reasons to stay that exceed the importance of my own desperation.