Quote:
Originally Posted by Jadeismyname
Hi all,
I was physically abused by my father as a kid, he locked me in the dark in my basement, left bruises on my body. He would throw me around and pin me down. He was also very emotionally/verbally abusive, calling me a psycho, manipulator and telling me it was my fault whenever he would abuse me despite being a 7 year old who simply spilled a glass of water.
I've 'healed' and 'forgiven him' to an extent but... Yesterday I found out that he sexually and physically abused his sister. I've never felt this way before, I'm constantly shaking, crying, my mind is blank but when it's not I can't stop thinking about what he might have done to her. I am disgusted that I am the product of him. I can't stop crying, I can't get up from my sofa.
I just want to reach out - to speak to somebody who may have been through something similar. My dad has healed a lot over the years, this was all a very long time ago 10 years ago for me and 40 for my aunt. My dad is on meds now and he's completely non-violent and no longer aggressive though he's still manipulative and difficult to be around. We suspect he has borderline personality disorder or aspergers.
Who do I tell? Do I tell my brother that my dad is a sexual abuser? Do I tell my mom that I know what he did to my aunt? My mom knows about everything but she's a victim and she can't leave the marriage in fear. Do I acknowledge that he's healing and act as though I know nothing to protect my mom? What if I tell my whole family about what he's done to me (they all know about what he did to my aunt), will he hurt someone or kill himself? Should I tell them anyway?
I know I need more help than this forum and I have a meeting on Tuesday but I need help to tide me over until then. I'm horrified, traumatized and so disgusted I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of puking. I've considered suicide but I couldn't do that to my mom after everything he put her through.
Thank you  |
I dont know about where you are but here in america if the aunt is now over 18, its her story to tell but only if she wants to. no one else has that right.
example my family know about my history of being abused. but it would not be right for them to be going around talking about what happened to me with out my permission.
think of it this way... would you want your aunt or anyone else going to other family members telling what your father did to you? probably not right. who you tell that your father abused you is for you to tell, not everyone else in the family to talk about behind your back right.
my suggestion is that leave the telling up to your aunt to tell it, its her story to tell just like what happened to you is for you to tell.
I cant answer whether you need to acknowledge the fact that he hurt you or that he is healing. thats for you to decide for your self, we dont tell each other what to do here.
the same with your question of whether he will hurt someone because you told. only you know whether he will do this or not. he's your father not mine and I dont know him right. but you are the one that knows him.
my suggestion would be to talk with your doctors and they will know how to help you feel better about what happened to you and your aunt.