Please forgive me here if this is a long read, or if I seem a little out of sorts (not that anyone really knows me on this site, but still) here.
I'm writing this in an almost desperate act/ attempt at finding anyone out there who can relate, or knows how to interact/ talk with someone with issues/ conditions such as (listed below).
Along with dealing with things like working a full time job, trying to have a relationship (unsuccessfully), even dealing with something as simple as going to the store for food and supplies. All while continuing to struggle through one day to the next, feeling like you don't belong, you don't matter, that or no one wants you around. Feeling as if you're nothing but a burden on those around you/ in your life, that or nothing but a nuisance
- Borderline personality disorder
- Bipolar 1 (w/ Rapid/ or Ultradian cycling, along with psychotic tendencies)
- Complex-PSTD (never served, or seen hand-to-hand combat, yet you'd have to hear my story to understand why I was dx'd with this, if interested in knowing)
- Dissociate Disorder
- Chronic Depression
- Agoraphobia
- Social Anxiety
- Chronic Insomnia
Not to bore anyone with too much tmi here, yet I've never found anyone who can really relate, or for that matter knows how to interact/ talk with someone with such issues as mine.
We all have our own story's to tell, this is true, yet I spend a great deal of time isolated and alone (given how my issues effect my life on any given day), yet I've found it extremely difficult to open up to those who don't understand these conditions.
I spend far more time with no one to talk/ turn to, where the deafening silence of these four walls becomes too much to deal with, along with racing thoughts/ scenario's which continually play out in my head once something effects me when it comes to my conditions.
Its more like, once triggered, the anger slowly morphs into sadness and despair, the despair later turns into deep depression and self loathing, and before too long, I'm altogether wishing bad things and can't find any comfort from anyone, only able to find solace in sleep. In the hopes tomorrow will be a new day, and with that, new possibilities other then what's already been on my plate, if any of that makes any sense?