Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
Honestly I’d not send a message and just leave him alone. First of all mentioning that you noticed how often he logs in could make him uncomfortable. I’d not do that. Second of all you don’t know this person, there is no particular need mentioning that he doesn’t owe you anything.
Third of all If someone didn’t write you in a month, he likely doesn’t want to keep talking further. Reminding him that you are expecting a response won’t change that. I am not sure about about that religious message but I’d let the guy go
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Yeah, I revised the message again and I'm not sure about stating I've seen how he logs in. Even if the list of recently logged in users is shown in front of your face when logging it, I think I'll omit it.
Regarding mentioning he doesn't owe me anything, well I wrote it just in case he thinks I'm expecting or asking him for an explanation or in case he feels pressured to do so. I like making things clear...
As a rule of thumb, I usually act with people how I would like people to act with me. I asked myself:
if I forgot to reply someone, would I prefer that person waiting for me no matter how long I would take, or letting me know he/she's awaiting an answer? To be honest, I'd prefer that person letting me know. But of course, this is why I'm asking this here, because doing this has never been successful in real life. Saying how I feel or trying to talk about the problems in a relationship has always been the main reason why it's hard to have a friendship to me, especially with males.
Quote:
Originally Posted by saidso
Hey, some people just don't reply regularly to messages. I have one online friend like that (we know someone irl in common and wrote to each other for more than five years). She has times in her life when she withdraws from all her friends. She is aware of that and during the past year has done this less, but before it was a big coping mechanism. She has a lot of superficial people interaction in her life and sometimes that is too much and she just wants to concentrate on herself.
Perhaps it's different because we are both women. It was always clear that we had a connection, but I was often in the position that you are where I wondered if I'd been too much or said something wrong.
I would send him a one-liner, something like "you haven't been around and I missed talking to your" but don't rely on an answer and don't make too much of it if you don't get one. You might find that he starts talking to you again in the future just like he stopped. People all have their idiosynchratic ways of protecting themselves which are not about us personally.
It takes time and patience, and some heartache!!! I'm conscious of having done that to someone in my life just once, recently, because I got very physically sick, was exhausted and I couldn't at the time negotiate the differences in our personality as I would normally have done - so now I've been on both sides.
I wouldn't assume that the problem is about religion as such. In my experience religion does give people a different outlook on life, but then so does social class or political opinion, or having babies, or a mental/ physical illness, etc. Religion can be a very fundamental way of organising how people think about their life. But good personal relationships build bridges. Our opinions are only one part of who we are  ??
Please don't feel that you shouldn't bring up something that you feel strongly about, positive or negative.
You could say, "I'm concerned that I was perhaps a little intense in my last message to you".
Sounds like I'm too involved in this discussion. I have one acquaintance who I've known for several years who is very much part of a religious community and I am drawn to his sense of there being "more to life" without being actually drawn to his religion. We've had some amicable "fights" where we've both said challenging things to the other person: I find those exchanges interesting.
Best wishes
Saidso |
Of course, I understand that some people don't reply regularly. But I'm surprised because he always replied me sooner than expected until he stopped logging in for a month. And I also understand that, because we all have a life beyond the screen. But after a whole month without any word from him, and how he hasn't replied me yet even though he's clearly logging in, it's hard to me not to expect a reply from him.
On the one hand, as I previously said, I'd like to send him something because that's what I'd like someone to do if I forgot to reply that person. This has happened a lot, I check my inbox once in a while, and if I see I didn't reply to someone, I usually reply saying I'm sorry for taking long and I always tell that person to not hesitate to remind me to reply him/her the next time I don't answer.
On the other hand, am I the only one who checks the inbox? He could easily see that he didn't reply to my last message. This is also why I haven't sent him anything yet. What if not logging in for a month is a strategy to make me lose interest in contacting him because he wants me to do so?
To be honest, I became a member of that website to meet people from other countries and have someone to chat with because I feel anxious doing it in real life. But in the end, this is giving me more anxiety than speaking face to face and I wonder if it's worth it.