Another reason that it may be so hard for me to listen to the podcasts is that it is too close for comfort, too reminiscent of ways I have been in therapy? Not exploited to that extent, but there are some similarities.

Maybe, after I hear how Marty got out, I can go back and listen and see if there's something I can learn. About vulnerability, and trust. Any maybe some other things?

Somehow or the other, my skepticism was compartmentalized. Some kind of blind following or adherence to or people pleasing of authority? Makes me feel kind of nauseated. . .