Did i say what made me give in and contact my T before? today at lunch with all my baggages and walking under the rain i came home only to find out 2 more bills to pay. after having fought with the individual tax return with my dad for 2 hours yesterday night that made me infuriate, this was the last straw. when will this stop??? im so f*ing tired of paying every 15 days for everything. and why isnt it all authomatic???

and why am i still having stomachache so that i cant drink or take pills????

and did i say a caller made me cry for 10 mins at work today? she attacked me saying my voice was indolent as if i was treating her as if i was doing her a favor doing my job. it was not like that at all. i was only trying to be as gentle as i could since i had so much turmoil inside and was trying to hold back tears. i dont know how that was perceived in such a negative way. she hung up on me saying she didnt want to talk with such a person. i closed myself in the bathroom crying for 10 mins.

at the end of the shift, i didnt stay and wait for P because i was in a hurry to come back home and pay the bills that arrived today. luckiliy my dad calmed me down and said we can do them together on wed… tonight coming back home i saw a line of cars with fines on them. its where i usually park when it rains and i dont feel like spending 30mins looking for a better parking lot and walking 20mins under the rain to get home. so at least that went well tonight...

now it doesnt seem to be there anyone in my neighbors flat and i hope nobody will arrive and i'll get to sleep a last good night sleep before the new neighbors will arrive. this is extremely anxious and terrifying for me.

i know most of these things are nor al and routine for people at my age but i had to start facing them all together all at once without ever being prepared for any of it. i know i may sound winy and spoiled and i know im so much weaker than most people but i truly cant make it i this goes on this way or even gets worse with the new neighbors.

im planning on quitting t so that if things do get worse i'll be free of doing it without getting my t in trouble and leaving her with the message she could have done nothing else, nothing more and nothing different. its just that when you've had enough, you've had enough.