Hello Ptak,
Great question! Thanks for asking! I am diagnosed with major depressive disorder. Was first diagnosed at age 15 but it had been present since age 4/5...my parents knew I was sick back then but were clueless. And I don't mind sharing with you that I have been in and out of hell more than once. When you describe your depression, I understand you very well. You have my support.
I do not take any medication of any sort. I tried lots of different anti-d's as an adolescent then stopped because of the side effects and the docs agreed they didn't help my mood at all. I tried a few more meds a few times in my 20s. Same....no help with mood and nasty side effects. One med in particular sent me waay over the edge...that was scary.
I live med-free. Last time I tried one was about 10 years ago and I am now in my late 30s. I am healthier than I ever was in the past. Lately for a few weeks I have felt very down but that is related to a trauma I am recovering from a few months ago which was unrelated to the depression and would make anyone sad. Once I stepped outside of the "medical model" to manage my depression, I became free and hopeful. I have ups and downs. I'm not looking for a cure as such. Just building a life of intention without nasty meds or doom and gloom predictions from old-school docs. Hope is very, very important for mental health. Telling people they are inherently broken is not hopeful.
How do I manage it?
-every day I tell myself that I am not broken, that I don't have a genetic imbalance...I am a person with strengths and needs....when I don't feel well it is a sign that I need to adjust something in my life/health
- a holistic approach to my health....mind, body, and spirit (not in a religious sense)
- regular acupuncture treatments from a TCM doctor (PhD in Traditional Chinese Medicine)
- daily practice of mindfulness
- daily practice of gratitude (research indicates this can increase subjective levels of happiness by 25% after 3 months)
- daily guided meditation....I ramp this up on tougher days...this can be used to deal with the SI provided you feel safe
- therapy (CBT, talk therapy etc) has helped me at several stages in my life....I'm about to start again this week to make some changes in my life
- helping others on a regular basis
-regular exercise for the dopamine
-meals and H20 at regular intervals (very important for stability and something I have to make myself do as I often get distracted when I'm busy)
- watched the docu 'Happy' three times and made notes and started incorporating the strategies into my life (all based on research)
- I developed a relationship with my depression....rather than fearing it or getting angry with it I try to befriend it and let it guide me....as strange as that may sound. That helps with SI too....I used to fight it and that made it more intense so now I just acknowledge it and let it be or watch a guided meditation to let go of my thoughts.
I could go on but don't want to bombard you
Feel free to PM me if you'd like to chat more. I will never take psych meds again. And I would never present myself to be hospitalized. I think that can be the beginning of giving up freedom and hope. I would only take meds for a physical matter as a last resort. Even for period pain, I find other natural ways to manage it.
I am sorry you are struggling and hope this helps a bit. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
If you feel strongly that you want to try to be med-free, and your MD and pharmacist have cleared you to safely stop your meds...you need to start by telling yourself that it will work. Write it down in several places in your home. Say it out loud to yourself every day. Make sure you are using other daily and active strategies. Do you have a therapist you trust? I recommend that. And ups and downs are okay. You can always ask for help if you need it. It's important not to panic about the depression....I think that's where a lot of SI comes from. Monitor your stress. A former therapist pointed out that my stress-response is to get depressed. I have found that to be very true.
Like I said, I could go on
