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Originally Posted by WarmFuzzySocks
Hugs, LabRat.
It's ok to talk with him about it.
Whether or not you should talk about it depends on whether you think it will be ultimately helpful to you, and it sounds like there are some feelings that you could use some help processing.
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Thank you
I don't think it's quite feelings processing, more like "um is this a bad idea" and insight from my feelings about it. I'm using it to fulfill some of the emotional wants/needs that we discuss in therapy.
If it had nothing to do with sex I would definitely talk to him about it, so if I avoid talking about it I'd be doing so because of the sex thing.
I haven't wanted to SH since, even though my father and his wife were in town this weekend and I spent some time with them, which would normally be really triggering. So it's definitely relevant and probably requires a conversation about whether or not it's a healthy coping mechanism and what limits I need to set for myself.
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Originally Posted by Lrad123
We’re human and we’re sexual beings and it’s all normal. The fact that you’re pretty sure he’ll be ok with it on at least a basic level is a good sign and I bet you’re right. As far as I’m concerned, lots of topics are awkward and difficult in therapy and this is no different. Is there a way you could ease into it, maybe by saying you have a topic that’s difficult to bring up and that you’re not sure how he’ll respond? Or could you send an email in advance so that you know he won’t be surprised. Or even print out this post or a version of it and give it to him to read?
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Thanks
He doesn't do email. I sometimes write out stuff and have him read it, but I think this is something where I'd want to gauge his reaction to decide how to proceed, and it's hard to do that if it's all written out already.
Maybe I'll play 20 questions or something lol
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Originally Posted by Xynesthesia2
Long-time BDSM fan here. Primarily in it for all the curious, self- and other-exploratory spirit. I'm also interested in things like suspension and all sorts of body modification. I have never had issues with classic SH, never even attempted on my own, for release etc. I am also a body modification fan... the modest, well-controlled, aesthetically and cognitively regulated versions. You know, Steve Haworth et al.
I think this is absolutely okay to talk about in therapy. I definitely did, sometimes used my natural ease talking about anything sex and kink, to avoid more personally relevant and serious topics.
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SH is very different. I mean I guess not for some people. And it does seem to involve the same endorphin endogenous opioid stuff to some degree. But that was just a contributing factor to my SH, never the main reason. For me SH is about self-loathing or guilt or shame, which is not at all what this is about.
I guess sometimes it's just a desire to get out of my head, but when that's the case does it really matter whether I'm using this or going for a ride or exercising or doing some other "healthy" coping mechanism?
I can definitely see using it to avoid more serious topics. I think I might even do the same if this wasn't so connected to the emotional stuff that I do have guilt and shame about.
Was your T comfortable with the topic? Did you have to explain the basics or was it something you've found they tend to be familiar with?