Hi all! First post to the board. I tried doing a search to see if there were already threads relevant, but I didn't have any luck. I apologize if this is redundant. I'm not looking for advice to replace a doctor, but am trying to understand if anyone else ever feels this way.

I've always had social anxiety. That constant fear of looking stupid in front of people has driven me away from a good chunk of things in life. I always bring my husband with me wherever I go and I have panic attacks when thinking about doing things in public (taking a package to Fedex, waiting for a plumber, going inside a bank, etc.) I have developed some coping mechanisms to help me get through most daily activities, but as long as I can remember it has been there. I haven't had any major trauma in my life, but my anxieties are definitely geared toward men specifically. The anxiety is with most things and people, but I am more inclined to go through a check out line with a lady, a doctor who is a lady, etc. So I think it's also tied to feeling self conscious.

This is where it gets interesting though. I also always feel watched whenever I'm alone. I didn't realize other people never feel this way until I was talking with my husband one day... and then my mother. I don't feel threatened or endangered, I just feel like people (men most often) are always watching me and commenting on my life.

If I'm cleaning the house, I feel eyes on me. If I'm mowing the lawn, I feel eyes on me. Sometimes it feels like relatives who have passed, other times it's whatever musician I'm listening to on the radio. If I trip as I'm walking out to my car, I turn red and feel those same eyes on me - imagining that they're commenting on my fall. I don't hear voices aloud, but I do build these imaginary conversations in my head. They don't say bad things - they're loving.

But it's constant, y'all. If I'm with a lot of people and I'm distracting myself with activities I don't feel it as much. I sometimes feel like it's a coping mechanism simply because the conversations I build in my head are always kind. Like maybe it's a way that my mind is trying to make me less uncomfortable with life. However, it's weird that it's mostly when I'm alone because you would think it would come out more when I'm in tough public situations.

I plan to talk to a doctor, but just wanted to see if anyone else has ever experienced this. I've tried researching things, but haven't really found anything. I don't hear voices telling me to do things; I don't feel threatened; my mind doesn't build characters or personalities. It kind of feels like I have a million imaginary friends, only I don't see them and I know that they aren't real. But they're there watching me and commenting on my life - sometimes conversing back and forth when one another even. It could be like Brad Pitt talking to my dad (deceased) about how proud they are of me while I wash my dishes. Ha!