@Poiuytl Thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate the info on the lack of understanding on AD's.

@crossed lines I am so sorry to hear that depression has been so hard on you and I'm glad you are taking medication that helps.

@SilverTrees Wow thank you. That is a lot of information you gave me. A lot of it is stuff I know. But it is still helpful to see it. For me, in a depressed state (like I was in 2017), I had a very hard time implementing some of this stuff. But thinking about it, things were different for me back then too: I had a very old and wrong for me mattress, so I wasn't getting great sleep. I lived at my parents and it sucked. I was very isolated as well as addicted to a friendship that was completely wrong for me. What I'm trying to say is that there's a possibility that these things will help me this time. But I don't know. Last time, I had a very hard time getting the motivation to even do anything to help myself. But again, it's worth a try, and if it fails, I will definitely try medications again. Even lexapro with the side effects. It's worth a try.

One thing I feel differently about is that while you tell yourself you are not broken (true!) and that you don't have a genetic imbalance, I do find that telling my own self, that what I experience is an illness, helps greatly. I sort of had that realization recently. It has nothing to do with blame for me. And everything to do with putting things in perspective, acceptance that there is a difference between my ability with some things while depressed, and others abilities while not ever having to experience depression. It's like physical disability. Or learning disability. There's a difference, but it doesn't make people who are depressed (Or physically or learning disabled) less than or less worthy. Theres a lot of stigma about mental health issues here, in the US. That doesn't make it true. I like the idea of being an activist for these things. But yeah I am definitely not trying to tell you how to think or judging what you think!! I think I just wanted to express my own experience with this. We are all so different and what individually helps us, may be different, or tweaked, for another.

I am going to PM you, btw.

@zapatoes I love to exercise. Lately, not so much, and I know its important to get myself out there and do it. Lately it doesn't seem to have the same effect. But I also have been having some physiological changes (due to my illness, the med, not sure) that...I may need to work with. I have heard that exercise can have medicine like effects. Also YES, social interaction and not isolating is very important. I often feel better around other people. I will do my best.

@T4bbyCat Hugs to you. This (How you described your own depression as not lifting much even with the natural basics) is how I would describe myself 2 years ago. I am so SO glad you have not lost hope. I am a little scared, but reading this thread has even given me hope. I was reading a thread in the depression resistant forum, and someone gave a link to this website, which is somehow linked with PsychCentral it seems: Project Hope and Beyond it is for people who experience treatment resistant depression. It looks like a kind, hopeful community with purpose and it looks like there's resources to help too.