Hello Sadlygrove: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central.

I can relate to quite a bit of what you wrote. Unfortunately I don't think I'm the best member, here on PC, to advise you with regard to your relationship with your parents. I'm an older person myself, no doubt older than your parents. My parents are now long-since gone. But I left them behind, for the most part, many years ago.

My personal opinion is that you're an adult & you have your own life to live. Your parents can either accept that & support you in it or you have the right to exclude them from your life if you so choose. Parenting does not come with any inherent right to verbally or emotionally abuse even their adult children. Of course you will need to think about how you will feel about this should you decide to distance yourself from them. If doing so will cause you significant levels of distress, then it may not be the correct path for you. Your situation might be one it would be worth talking through with a counselor or mental health therapist.

Here are links to 5 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subjects of dealing with difficult or narcissistic family members along with 1 on the subject of how to maintain a relationship with an abusive parent:

How to Deal with Difficult Family Members

Dealing with Difficult Family Members: Don't Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain | Happily Imperfect

9 Signs Of Psychological and Emotional Manipulation | Caregivers, Family & Friends

Why Narcissistic Parents Infantilize Their Adult Children

6 Tips for Cutting Off Contact with Narcissistic Family Members

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...busive-parent/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.