Hi Nemo2,

I believe you when you write that you are grateful for your parents and what they've given you. It's not 100% clear to me, however, how directly you have expressed that. If not very directly, make it extremely direct and firm, and yet also as warmly as possible. Warm doesn't have to be wishy-washy.

I do get the strong feeling it's time to establish some boundaries between yourself and them. Your firm decision for them to wait until a next morning to stay with you is a good first step. Why must they come the night before? Could you offer to pay for a night at a hotel for them? You pay. At this stage of your life, you can say "No" without major explanations. The sooner you hold firm on these things the better.

I can't help but assume your parents really need some therapy. You mentioned several issues they could/should discuss with a therapist. Both exhibit concerning behaviors based on what you wrote. I certainly can't guess what all of them are. Maybe you can't either.

As an only child, I imagine their desired cord to you is thick. It's time to thin it. They need to accept and deal with that and send some cords out to others, too. "I love you and appreciate you, but I'm an adult and need a bit more space." Such a tough thing to say and hear, but necessary quite often.