Oh my goodness, that all sounds very traumatic! I can't imagine why on earth your therapists didn't want to label those kinds of things as abuse. You were raised with constant criticism, passive aggressive behavior, excessive expectations put-downs and threats. It also sounds like you were largely raised without much love or nurturing and no sense of emotional safety. You were abused. You were emotionally neglected. You were a child who grew up with fear and without reliable support. All of that would absolutely have had a major effect on your development and emotional well-being.