Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
Why are you supporting grown men? I understand paying tuition if you can afford it but paying for everything? I don’t know anyone who doesn’t work through college even having very wealthy parents. And if kids play house, they support themselves. Such exuberant over the top spoiling possibly contributes to sense of entitlement and arrogance. I can’t wrap my mind around it.
Ring is a non issue. No one wants to propose with diamond provided by mommy. I sure wouldn’t wear the kind of ring. I selected what I liked and what I knew would be suitable for my future husbands finances. If your son can’t afford the ring and is still dependent on you, he shouldn’t be getting married. But not using your ring or ring provided by you is really a non issue. He is not royalty.
I think him not calling you might be just one of the symptoms of a bigger issue.
Why are your kids not required and not even wanting to work through college (not saying full time) like everyone else? Both my nephews worked all through engineering schools (which are tough schools) and my brother is very well off. My daughter worked part time all through undergrad and did grad school on her own while working full time, I am doing fine but am not rich, my ex husband is literally a millionaire, so she wouldn’t have to work if she didn’t want to but why wouldn’t she want to have her own money? I literally know no one who relies on parents for allowances past high school. How can he even date if he doesn’t have a single penny of his own?
Why are you spoiling them so much? I see no point in it, it just creates this standoffish attitude.
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I don’t understand why I can’t get through to you about the ring. If your parent was giving you the amount of money you needed for the center stone of the ring, wouldn’t you at least discuss that with them one way or another? That is what this was. I was not imposing any particular stone on them. The stone was to be traded for one of their choice. That is how the jewelry business works sometimes. Instead, he ignored me and spent at least 3x the amount he could have for the same ring. Was I wrong to be so giving to my beloved son? That’s up for debate.
Yes, we are guilty of supporting them through undergrad. They spent so little money beyond college and meal plan. They never even had cars because they didn’t need them. We wanted them to completely focus on their very difficult studies and get A’s. Our engineer son did work in engineering for the college as part of his program and they paid him a little. This son did work at his college as a tutor in his area of study and they paid him a little. We were all for this, as it furthered his career. But then he didn’t follow up on that job and lost it to more ambitious students. He was supposed to do other non-paid jobs to further his career, but he didn’t. Instead, he worked the ff job, keeping it from us, in order to have the independence to get an apartment and a dead end company job in order to please her. I get it. That’s his choice. He’s a grown man. Maybe he’ll love his life and I hope he does. He did it in a shady way, concealing it from us rather than including us in his choices. I’m sure this was because he knew we would try to talk him out of it and back on the path of a successful career including grad school. He’s very smart, and I am sure he will rise to the top no matter what path he chooses.
And yes, I am very grateful he is doing as well as he is and not a drug addict risking his very life. If that were the case, I’d deal with that in any way I could help.
You may be right about the jobs though, Divine. Our youngest son could get a part time job while still in high school. He’s struggling in his core subjects because he isn’t putting in enough study time. I could encourage him to be a grocery clerk and accept those low grades.
