I am struggling with feeling totally disconnected from Awesome T and he is out of town next week. I sent an email with everything that fed into it and I have called. I know he will call me back but if I can’t connect over the phone I am afraid it will make everything worse and I am so far over the edge anyway.
I have face blindness and T switched to his summer wardrobe, he was out in the sun all weekend so his complexion might have been darker, it was dim in his office and the first time I ever found where the lights are... so many thing and lots of stress before session. So I did self talk all through session reminding myself that this was T, we were in T’s office, this is the same person I have worked with since December... I tried to anchor to his voice rather than an image but I couldn’t. I felt like I was in the room with a total stranger. So I was too afraid to tell him what was happening or to ask for help. Now he is out of town for a week.
I have tried connecting through his web page like I can usually do but no luck there. The weighted lap pad I made that matches his office helps a little... but my whole being is going into a massive grief response as if he has died or something.
I don’t know how to pull myself out and he is completely booked until he leaves and I am his first client when he gets back.