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eskielover · May 29, 2019, 02:03 PM

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Same with being likeable. I can learn how to "make" people like me, but that isn't the same as being likeable without trying. I never, ever, considered myself likeable in that sense, of having to do absolutely nothing, make absolutely nothing.

I never DID anything to make people LIKE me but for some reason I got along with most people but always at a surface level. I had no idea how to be friends at a deeper level since I had never existed around anything including my parents that was an example of more. Got glimpses of others now & then & wondered what that "MORE" was until I got away from all of them & could explore emotions in the quiet of my own home with good therapy & my wonderful soulmate dog.

I have since learned & experienced in my new environment the amazing fact that with many here we can connect just by being there for each other...that unconditional experience I have with my dogs. Makes me realize that in my own gut I was right that there was MORE. In my case it wasn't a specific injury but it was definitely something MISSING in my environment.

I think that may be why getting help that works is because there are so many different scenarios that create similar results on a spectrum.

I always felt like the outsider even though I fit in on the outskirts of every group....but realize for me that was exactly what my parents were too so that was initially learned & something I could unlearn unlike my dad's ASD.

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The memory of how agonising my life is/ had been - isn't the whole story.

It is important to see the good & the bad together (mindfulness= big picture). So often when things are so bad that is all our mind remembers. I struggle with that because after my parents died everyone only wanted to remember the good. I remembered the bad & struggled to remember the good in with it....same with my marriage....but there was so much more to the whole story just because things were on the majority bad & a struggle & a fight.

When we lose sight of the BIG PICTURE of our life & hold our total focus on all the bad it creates even more negativity in our life & makes healing even more difficult. Yes the really horrible stuff exists & never should be denied but need to remember good things also even if few.