Today I told him that I didn’t think sending emails was helpful to me any more and that I’ve decided not to send them. He said he thought they had been helpful in the past and that I had been able to express myself in ways I never could in person and that it helped him understand me better. But if sending them caused shame and no longer felt helpful, then he didn’t want that. I think I was feeling shame because I could feel my face flush and my eyes water as I thought about how how intrusive my emails might have seemed (he said they were not) and how he said (after I asked) that his other clients don’t email with any significant content, only for scheduling. He thought maybe we were re-enacting something (maybe something with my parents) where I’d express a need for connection and not be heard. I said I didn’t need that any more and I didn’t want to give him the power to do that to me. He never once discouraged me from sending emails. In fact, he reminded me that that was our agreement- that I could send them and that he’d read them.