Hello compay: I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central.  There is also a forum, here on PC, dedicated to the subject of BPD. Here's a link to that one:
https://psychcentralforums.com/borde...lity-disorder/
You may also find the work & careers forum to be of interest:
https://psychcentralforums.com/work-and-careers/
And then here are links to 5 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that hopefully may be of some help in putting this all into perspective:
In-Depth: Living with Bipolar Disorder
Living with Borderline Personality Disorder
Suicidal? Don't Throw Away Your Shot
https://psychcentral.com/blog/suicid...can-teach-you/
https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...idal-thoughts/
I hope you find PC to be of benefit. 
__________________
"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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