Thank you for your reply SilverTrees. I mentioned that I want to move to another state. I know she was just trying to be cautious and helpful, but I run scared every time I bring up any goal of mine. She said I should probably wait to see how the economy will go. What happens if I lose social services that I need. What happens if I have a MI crisis. What happens if that MI crisis scares the people I come to know in the new city and they don't want to help or support me. Honestly, it was the idea that people would be too scared to be around me that got me the most. I already struggle to not feeling like a fatally flawed burden that no one should touch with a 40 foot pole.

It's hard to dare to dream that I can do even the smallest thing when I'm constantly worried that I can't manage anything that life requires. Some times I feel like I'll live and die having done nothing at all because I was too afraid to make the slightest move. Some times I feel like I can only reach for the bare minimum because I'm either not capable or I could be capable of only doing just a little more than enough.