Quote:
Originally Posted by cptsdwhoa
Thank you for your reply SilverTrees. I mentioned that I want to move to another state. I know she was just trying to be cautious and helpful, but I run scared every time I bring up any goal of mine. She said I should probably wait to see how the economy will go. What happens if I lose social services that I need. What happens if I have a MI crisis. What happens if that MI crisis scares the people I come to know in the new city and they don't want to help or support me. Honestly, it was the idea that people would be too scared to be around me that got me the most. I already struggle to not feeling like a fatally flawed burden that no one should touch with a 40 foot pole.
It's hard to dare to dream that I can do even the smallest thing when I'm constantly worried that I can't manage anything that life requires. Some times I feel like I'll live and die having done nothing at all because I was too afraid to make the slightest move. Some times I feel like I can only reach for the bare minimum because I'm either not capable or I could be capable of only doing just a little more than enough.
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Was the person you were chatting with a friend or therapist?
Honestly, I'm a big believer in optimism and hoping for the best. Not in a wild or unsafe way of course. But I think when we live with mental illness, it can be really problematic if we think ourselves into a corner. Do you know what I mean by that? That's what happens when I feel very depressed....my world gets smaller and smaller and my hope starts to diminish. For about two years now I've been training myself to step out of that thinking, as much as possible....to think of myself as a person with strengths and needs (like everyone else) rather than "broken" or "limited" or "disabled."
Moving to a new state would be a huge change with stress. The only person who knows if that's right for you is YOU. I think it would take planning and some nicely established coping strategies. I think it is important that people follow their dreams. Do you talk to a therapist? Could you start having a dialogue and plan for meeting new goals....step by step over time?
You have my support
