I am not looking for advice, and I am not seeking to divulge too many details about what has been happening with me and my now husband.

I am just looking to vent and receive some encouragement and support from those who have been married. I feel VERY alone with my sad feelings.

We were SO happy just before we got married. We had had some issues already, and I thought they had pretty much passed. Three months before the wedding were blissful and without any arguments. We've had some bad ones before.

But then, JUST before the wedding, we fought. It was bad. We fought again the morning of the wedding (but got through it and had a beautiful ceremony), then we fought again when we got back from the honeymoon, and again the other night.

Many fights lately, all with mention of us breaking up. After we had gotten back from the honeymoon & fought, he took off his wedding ring for a day.

It is with a very sad and heavy heart that I write this.

I don't know what's going on lately, but I don't know if we're going to last.

I know what I will NOT put up with. I am working on strengthening my boundaries, because he crosses them, and I am working on setting limits, because he can blow up. He is not easy to talk to about any issues, especially if he's upset with me. He is stubborn and clams up.

But please don't tell me to get out of the marriage. We JUST got married. I am not mentally there and cannot even fathom it right now. We love each other immensely, but these fights need to end.

He will NOT go to couples counseling at any point either. So I won't even bring that up ever.

I am just SO very sad. I love him dearly and when things are good, it's absolutely wonderful. But when things are bad, it's terrible. He is very affectionate and most loving when things are good. And when things are bad, he withdraws.

I cannot take any more mention of breaking up. I have been a guilty party in this, but lately he's been asking me if that's what I want. I'm the one who started down that path to begin with because of the fights. I meant to tell him this last night (no more mention of breaking up), but I was too tired to even talk.

It's been rocky to say the least and unstable. I am praying now about it. I just hope this passes and that we can be in a blissful place again.

We were SO happy. Everyone around us always commented on how happy we were/are. I just wish it would return.

I know all I can do is change and work on my OWN reactions and how I behave in the relationship.

My next therapy appt is Tue. I don't know how helpful she truly is and I may need to find another one.