Quote:
Originally Posted by arielawhile
Perhaps if someone was kind, thoughtful, and puts others first, and is also able to accept care and a reciprocal focus on his or herself, he or she MAY have had a "good enough" or appropriate childhood. I think the statement was also about having shame about needs and deflecting attention and care away from yourself so as not to be vulnerable. This is likely a form of control and self-protection. (Just some thoughts from someone who did not have a good enough childhood...)
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I think you hit on something important there with the reciprocal focus/ability there. Some people feel discomfort with an imbalance in the relationship (if it's a peer) where one person gives of themselves but isn't willing to receive. Maybe this feels like a one-down position (to refuse what people offer can be a power move) or they are simply people who also want to give in their relationships. Caretakers are really good at finding people who are narcissists and who are happy to take and not give back.
But it's not always that these things are associated with the type of childhood people have. I know plenty of people who have worked on themselves, in and out of therapy, to have better relationships with others. I think kindness is just about the most important thing in relationships now. I surround myself with kind people, and most of them have had not good enough childhoods.