I had similar feelings. I can relate. I felt that no one understood me better than he did. I came to care about him in the beginning. I felt love- not romantic love or even any expectation that we would be a couple. But I felt such deep love, I wrote and even thanked him for letting me love him. It’s difficult to write this now, knowing what I know and knowing, now, what he planned to do ..and did.

I loved the person I *thought* he was! I didn’t love *him.*

I engaged a subsequent female therapist who specialized in therapist exploitation while I was still his patient. I heard her say he was unethical, criminal and harmful. But I didn’t want to believe it. I remember saying, ‘Oh, I wouldn’t want him to go to prison over it.’ I thought I was the only one....that he was a good man and just made a mistake with me.

I was *not* the only one he exploited.

I came to him broken, confused, hating myself. He lifted my self-esteem, he seemed to find me intelligent and interesting. He *listened* to me. He comforted me and I felt protected. I felt he was the only one on my side.

My feelings soared.

I felt I was his equal, almost.

Then the time came when the relationship changed. He wouldn’t talk about our relationship. He lied. He wanted me to break it off. He told me he was dying from heart disease. That just made me love him more.

Then he told me he was intimate with me because he felt sorry for me. He took me for a short walk around his office. He said, “You see these street people? I had sex with you because I felt sorry for you, just like I feel sorry for these street people.” Then he was angry and made it all my fault- “You *promised* me you could handle this. Why can’t you handle this!”

I was crushed. I had been soaring but now I felt more devastated than when I first entered ‘therapy’ with him. But I STILL wouldn’t leave him! He was showing me who he was but I wouldn’t believe it.

My opinion, you love the feelings you manufacture from this person. You love and miss the person you make him out to be. He’s not showing you love or protection. But he’s showing you who he really is! A person that cares for you does not treat you the way this whacko is treating you. I don’t know if he’s pathologically narcissistic, has some sort of dementia, is on drugs...but just from the bit you are telling me, his judgement is obviously impaired. And if I can see that, his colleagues can see that.

I’m not a therapist but I absolutely believe you have paternal, maybe even maternal transference for him.

Please do not wait as long as I did to get out. He frauded me out of money. At close to the end he wanted me to see a neurologist to help get return referrals for him, he said.
But now, looking back, I believe he was gathering support to commit me to a state hospital to discredit and silence me.

Please continue your search for a female therapist. This guy has already hurt you severely. Please don’t let him hurt you any more.