Quote:
Originally Posted by precaryous
I loved the person I *thought* he was! I didn’t love *him.*
|
This is a telling comment. I have said about the relationship with my professor, and the relationship with my previous doctor that I loved the fantasy I had about them, not them. I now experience this again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by precaryous
I engaged a subsequent female therapist who specialized in therapist exploitation while I was still his patient. I heard her say he was unethical, criminal and harmful. But I didn’t want to believe it. I remember saying, ‘Oh, I wouldn’t want him to go to prison over it.’ I thought I was the only one....that he was a good man and just made a mistake with me.
I was *not* the only one he exploited.
|
It is often like this, isn't it. My professor turned out to have been in relationships with other students, and later some complaints poured in. My previous doctor turned out to have been in sexual relationships with different other patients.
Quote:
Originally Posted by precaryous
I came to him broken, confused, hating myself. He lifted my self-esteem, he seemed to find me intelligent and interesting. He *listened* to me. He comforted me and I felt protected. I felt he was the only one on my side.
My feelings soared.
I felt I was his equal, almost.
Then the time came when the relationship changed. He wouldn’t talk about our relationship. He lied. He wanted me to break it off. He told me he was dying from heart disease. That just made me love him more.
Then he told me he was intimate with me because he felt sorry for me. He took me for a short walk around his office. He said, “You see these street people? I had sex with you because I felt sorry for you, just like I feel sorry for these street people.” Then he was angry and made it all my fault- “You *promised* me you could handle this. Why can’t you handle this!”
I was crushed. I had been soaring but now I felt more devastated than when I first entered ‘therapy’ with him. But I STILL wouldn’t leave him! He was showing me who he was but I wouldn’t believe it.
|
This is horrendous, horrendous, Precaryous. I'm so so sorry you went through all that. I do recognize it unfortunately. It seems these narcissists all work in the same way. My previous doctor did similar things. He would have sex with me, and then afterwards tell me he did so since "I forced him to do so." And "actually he had not wanted to do so". But: "it was the only way to calm me down". I felt excruciatingly hurt. I had fallen into the trap of his comments, asking me to be his "lover" "forever". I remember how immensely hurt and stressed I felt, and how I thought constantly of suic*de. I tried to call him after he emailed me that comment he had sex with me because I forced him, since I was in such panic, but he ignored me. I experienced such deep pain.
Flash forward a few years, and here I am again in a detrimental situation, albeit we have not had sex and there were just some hugs, comments and kisses. But it does make me think I will never learn from my mistakes. My new doctor is a lot less charming than my previous doctor, and his narcicissm is a lot more obvious. Nonetheless, it doesn't stop me from experiencing this transference.