My Support Forums - View Single Post - Overprotective parents or unthankful son?

eskielover · May 30, 2019, 01:46 PM

I was an only child too. I fought to be independent (probably my personality) from as early as I can remember. I honestly don't remember how or when I got the idea my parents wanted to be overprotective & keep me their little kid all my life.....but that is what I fought whether it was a real fight or not.

I actually lived at home till I got married because my parents didn't have money fir a college I could live away at & I didn't get any scholarships that would pay for it either. I went to a local college then university. Left home when I got married in 1975. There were always battles with them because I had my own sense of boundaries & they were ALWAYS crossing them but they did provide food & shelter while I was going to school.

I am not sure you will ever be free from your mothers behaviors even with boundaries in place. My mom always reacted to things in a very dysfunctional way. Even after my dad died & my (now ex-husband) had financial problems & the water heater in our house quit working. Not something you can live without. Lol....I called her & she agreed to pay for it......then said let me think about what kind you need. Didn't hear back for several days & in that time we went to the home improvement store & bought the minimum one we needed & scheduled to have it installed. Then she finally calls back & says "I've been thinking.....& this is the best one....." I graciously told her that we couldn't live without hot water that long & resolved the problem ourselves. She hung up on me. I just chalked it up to "mom being mom". I didn't call back. She ended up calling me in about a week. Never once mentioned the situation & talked as if nothing ever happened.

Some mom's especially react with emotions & sometimes passive aggressive behaviors to manipulate their kid to do what they want & some dad's end up going along with it, not necessarily because it is how they think but because they are the one still living with mom & her reactions.

Sometimes we just have to let them have their "hissy fit" while we just let it pass since they probably will never really change by that point in their life.

I swore as a kid I would never be like my parents. I tried hard to never be like that as a parent.....but I can observe a few others my age (66) who still react to their adult kids the way my mom acted to me.

My parents died years ago. I did love them in spite of their quirky behaviors.....but I can also say there was a level of stress that vanished after losing them even though I missed them also.

I don't think it is just an only child thing with parents because a friend of mine has many adult kids & seems to have similar behaviors.

Sometimes just letting it pass can be the best solution...let them resolve it & get back in touch with you when they are ready.