Hello Luckystar: I believe this was your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central.  I'm sorry I don't think your dilemma is one I can offer anything on personally. However here are links to 6 articles, from PC's archives, that talk about the idea of finding one's soulmate. Perhaps there is something in these articles that can be of some help:
What Is A Soul-Mate?
How to Make a Soul Mate Relationship
8 Ways to Find Yourself Before Looking for Your Soulmate
Soul Mates: Do They Really Exist?
Soulmates and Unconditional Love
https://psychcentral.com/blog/stop-l...-life-partner/
I hope you find PC to be of benefit. 
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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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