You might not be a "real alcoholic" but in reality you are drinking and behaving like one. The dishonesty about drinking, how much and when you drink; the consequences due to drinking and the need for mood altering escape all point to alcoholism. I am an alcoholic in recovery and used the same excuses. Its is not my job to tell you you are one but I can tell you that your body will not be able to maintain its current state drinking and not eating the way you are. I do not know if you are familiar with what happens when people get sick or die from alcoholism but is very ugly. I do not know how to tell you to grieve for your dad or get over it but this is not the way. Not drinking in the morning or not everyday doesnt mean you are not developing an alcohol problem. What happens if you just do not drink for days in a row?