Sorry for this sadness. You may always have it and have to learn to accept it and focus on other things in your life. She is your daughter and grandchild so, of course, the sadness will always be there and pop up at times.


You may have just been raised to be a giver rather than a taker and/or that was the temperament you were born with and will always have to deal with this tendency. Perhaps that you were a giver taught your daughter to be more of a taker and or the "taking/entitlement" is part of her temperament. It is what it is.


If I was to go back in time, I would change some things about my parenting style to. I was so unaware of how my moods might have effected them though I had developed many coping mechanisms as a child like exercising to release my frustrations and getting up during the wee hours of the night in order to have time to plan my day. I buried so much of what bothered me until it started causing me to have a nervous breakdown. If I had gone to therapy when my kids were young, I might have made less mistakes.


We can't change the past. My POV is to try to spend that money mostly on yourself. I also spend money on my children to ease my guilt. I do think you should always buy something small on his/her B-day for that grandchild so that she knows you are thinking of her. Otherwise, work on letting go and enjoying small moments in life. Sometimes you may cry about it all too! I am sorry it is so painful. You did the best you could at the time. None of us are perfect.