I had great parents, but they made some decisions along the way that put me in the position of harm (not in their own hands). I needed to look at those chains of events and work through my own feelings regarding their part (no matter how well intentioned) in those events. I was good at staying in denial that my parents could have made mistakes; I defended them at all costs. But that wasn't realistic, nor was it fair to them to be quite honest. They didn't want to be put on a pedestal of perfection either. (As a parent, I get that now moreso than I did when I was younger.)

I had great parents, but they did some things that truly did affect my concept of self. Because my concept of self was changed through their words and actions, no matter how well intentioned or inadvertent, my life course was altered, my personality was affected. They weren't to blame in any abusive way, but it was important for me to understand the chain of events that led to me being the person I am. Only through truly understanding that was I able to make conscious decisions as an adult about how to proceed with my life.

Exploring my upbringing, warts and all, has given me much more autonomy as an adult. I am no longer at the whim of influences that I refused to really look at. I have my eyes wide open, and I am a conscious actor in my life now. And, that exploration has not wounded my affections for or memories of my parents; I think I see them with clearer eyes and honestly respect them more now than I did before I did this work. It was healing for me.