I'll chime in with a few things here.

I believe in the developmental perspective of object relations, and it has nothing to do with blame.

Trauma is anything that overwhelms the psyche. There's neglect and there's emotional neglect, much of it age/stage dependent. If an infant is lying there for hours and no one picks them up, that's trauma for the infant and your mind develops in a way to cope, which is how your cognitive structure forms, including which defenses your mind uses. This is a big part of how it shapes how you are today, especially your sense of self. Children see things in black and white, and as you might recognize, some adults still do. Children normally resolve that, and can integrate both good and bad aspects of their parents. However, children who experienced trauma will grow up seeing their parents as all good or all bad, which is an ingrained defense (part of your cognitive structure) to protect yourself. You need your parent to be good to be safe or it is overwhelming.

This continuation of that defense as an adult is very common. I've seen this over and over, where a child who is abandoned by their father after a divorce, for example, will still idealize the father and hate the mother who was trying to do right for the child. This therapy changes how your mind works as it integrates the good and bad objects. People also see themselves as all good and all bad-this is common too. And someone with perfectionist tendencies has another version of this, where you can't allow yourself to be 'bad'; when their idealized image of themselves doesn't match the reality, it leads to maladaptive behaviors and emotional distress. Those are thought of as splits. You can also introject the badness of your parent, which is a defense, which manifests as low self worth. These are just a few things.

Emotional neglect can be traumatizing too. For example, if a child is being terrorized, and the parent doesn't tend to a fearful child, that can be traumatizing. A child left in constant fear can be overwhelming, such as being around parents fighting all the time with domestic violence, or feeling in danger.

What here today was talking about really affects your development just as well, though I wouldn't think of that as trauma. When your parents don't see you, or treat you like a separate person (as you said elsewhere-an extension of your parent), it adversely impacts how you relate to yourself, others, and the world. All of this does.

I've had a lot of trauma-emotional, neglect, physical, sexual and do not 'blame' my parents and have always thought they did the best they could too. When I was younger, I believed my trauma made me stronger and a better person. That was before all my experiences were integrated. I was telling my therapist just the other day that i was better off when this stuff was not in my conscious awareness.

It's more cause/effect rather than blame.